Overall closeness between parents and their children, shared activities, parental presence in the home, and parental caring and concern are all associated with a reduced risk of early sex and teen pregnancy. Teens who are close to their parents and feel supported by them are more likely to abstain from sex, wait until they are older to begin having sex, have fewer sexual partners, and use contraception more consistently.

It is important for parents to discuss sex, love, and relationships directly with their children. They need to be clear and candid. Parents should realize, however, that simply talking with their teens about the risks of early sex, for example, without being more deeply involved in their lives and close to them is unlikely to delay first sex, increase contraceptive use, or decrease the risk of pregnancy. The overall quality of the relationship appears to be more “protective” than specific conversations about particular sexual issues.

Parents and other adults often report that they are uncomfortable talking about sex and pregnancy with teens — that they shy away from taking a clear position on these issues. It may be because parents rarely had adult role models who discussed these issues when they were teens. They might not feel confident to discuss this topic.

Teens offer various reasons why they don’t talk with their parents about sex, including: concern about their parents' reaction (83%), worry that their parents will think they are having sex (80%), embarrassment (78%), a feeling that they do not know how to bring the subject up (77%), and the belief that parents won’t understand (64%).(2002 Survey in the US of Young People Aged 15 to 17)

Teens whose parents are clear about the value of abstinence, and/or about the dangers of unprotected intercourse, are more likely to delay first sex and to use contraception. In other words, parents who provide clear messages about the value of delaying sex have children who are less likely to have intercourse at an early age, and those parents who discuss contraception are also more likely to have children who use contraception when they become sexually active.

Research supports what common sense suggests — supervising and monitoring teens’ behavior makes a difference. Teens whose parents supervise them are more likely to be older when they first have sex, to have fewer partners, to use contraception, and to be at less risk of pregnancy. It should be noted, however, that "very strict" monitoring by parents is associated with a greater risk of teen pregnancy.

When asked who influences teens' decisions about sex the most, half of adults cited teenagers’ friends as the main source. Far fewer teens agreed. Less than a third of teens (32%) said friends are most influential (2001 Survey in the US of Young People Aged 12 to 19). Parents apparently overestimate the influence of peers and underestimate their own influence. Teens are clear: parents matter.

Influence:
More than half of teens (53%) say parents or their own morals, values, and religious beliefs influence their decisions about sex the most — far more than such other influences as friends, the media, teachers and sex educators (2002 Survey in the US of Young People Aged 12 to 19). Fewer than five out of ten teens recently surveyed strongly agreed that they are getting a clear message that teen pregnancy is wrong. (2001 Survey in the US of Teens Aged 12 to 19.)

The close parent-child relationships that help protect young people from early sex also help limit other risky behaviors such as violence, substance and alcohol use, and school failure. Whether parents are concerned about drinking, drugs, violence, trouble in school, smoking or sex (or all of the above), the best advice is the same — stay closely connected to your teenage sons and daughters.

Many parents are not aware that their children have had sex. For example, only about a third of parents of sexually experienced 14-year-olds believe that their children have had sex. When sexually experienced Grade 8 to 11 students in the United States (i.e. Form 2 to 5 students) were surveyed, about 50% of their parents were unaware that their sons and daughters had started to have sex.

Not surprisingly, two of the most powerful risk factors for early sex and pregnancy, are close romantic attachments and significant age differences between partners. Romantic relationships between young teens significantly increase the risk of too-early sex. One-on-one dating in the presence of large age differences (three years or more) is also a high-risk proposition. Consider the following information about young adolescents: 13% of same-age relationships among those aged 12 to 14 include sexual intercourse. If the partner is two years older, 26% of the relationships include sex. If the partner is three or more years older, 33% of the relationships include sex.

Most adults share a common sense approach toward preventing early sexual activity and parenthood. School-age youth should be clearly encouraged not to have sex — both because of important consequences and because sex should be associated with meaning and serious commitment. It is also true that even in the face of clear, direct advice to remain abstinent, some young people will not do so. Given this reality, the overwhelming majority of adults also believe that young people should be given information about the benefits and limitations of contraception and provided with appropriate health services too. In short, public opinion sees a role for both abstinence and contraceptive information and services. It’s not either-or, but both.

Discussing abstinence and contraception at the same time does not confuse teens. The overwhelming weight of scientific evidence suggests that addressing abstinence and contraception does not hasten the onset of sex, increase the frequency of sex, or increase the number of sexual partners. And most teens (70%) describe messages encouraging abstinence, coupled with information about contraception, as "clear and specific".

Many parents want schools to do more. This may be, in part, because parents are uncomfortable talking with their children; some also feel that they simply don’t know enough to be fully adequate sex educators. There is good reason to turn to schools. That is where most teens are. Some schools have well-trained sex education teachers, and sex-related topics can be included in broader curricula stressing health promotion. Still, expecting schools to shoulder all the responsibility in this area has a downside.

In Hong Kong, many schools invite sex educators from the Department of Health and other non-government organizations such as Mother's Choice to provide sex education for their students. For more information about sex education provided by Mother's Choice, please call (852) 2868-2022 or email us at pgs@motherschoice.org.

No matter how good the sex education that a particular school might offer, it is unrealistic and perhaps even unwise to think that it can all be left up to schools to put the complex issues of love, sex, and relationships in the context that each family prefers. And many people feel that schools are not the appropriate place to discuss religious teachings about these same issues, even though faith-based values often are a very important influence on the sexual decisions of teens.

Parents who

• clearly communicate their values and expectations to their children;
• express their concern and love for them early and often;
• exercise supervision — including their child's selection of friends, role models, etc.

raise children are more likely to avoid a host of risky behaviors than parents who do not. The overall strength and closeness of parent-child relationships seems to be the best protection of all.

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